He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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