it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize