I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
