I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
