My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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