This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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