Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
