You're completely useless in the revolution.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
