how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
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We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
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You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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