Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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