i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
