The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
