I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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