"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
