i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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