do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
