bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
