I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
