I'm really into asian looking animals
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
