I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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