a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
