you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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