can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
