you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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