Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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