I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
