I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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