Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
