We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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