No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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