My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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