it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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