The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
