it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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