So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
