What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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