i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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