I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
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That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
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Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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