there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
