i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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