I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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