he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
