I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
