I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
