I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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