my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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