a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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