I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
