I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
