I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
