1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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