you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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