Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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