I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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