If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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