Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
